Sad

I was just reading a blog that made me cry. I don't particularly want to link to it, but it was about how mean and small we are to other people when we are deeply hurt. And how doing mean things just makes us feel worse and not better, but yet we do them. I don't know why reading about someone else's great loss can make me so sad.

Earlier today I was remembering a poem I used to know that was about the blankness that occurs when a deep wound doesn't hurt anymore. I am paraphrasing but there was something about how strange it is that you no longer feel the pain when you think about the moment when you were dumped.

And that made me start thinking about how when I remember my mom's voice on the phone telling me that my brother was dead my butt used to feel like I sat down hard. Because I that is what happened. My butt hurt when I thought of that moment for years, but I don't feel it any more. And I kind of want to. I don't want to forget that pain, because it kind of feels like I am forgetting my brother. I am worried that in 5 more years I won't even cry about it any more.